the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
