Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
