So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
