she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
