Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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