Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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