I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
