Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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