can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
