I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dicks are not precious.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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