spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
