that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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