So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
