If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
