So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We have started to decorate penises.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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