tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
