So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
