I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize