apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
