wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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