ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
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Do I have a choice?
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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