Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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