Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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