I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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