oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
