my being single is dangerous.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
