yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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