You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
