Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
