Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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