he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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