we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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