If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
