I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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