his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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