It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You pole danced in your parka.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
