We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize