and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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