I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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