Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
