They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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