my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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