she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
