We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
