why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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