I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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