I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
