I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
