when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
