there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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