so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
