THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
