Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
