It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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