Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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