soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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