so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
