he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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