she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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