we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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