I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
