nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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