The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize