I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
birth control should be required to get into college
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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