I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
