my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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