i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
