I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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