If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize