no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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