I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
