Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
