she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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