Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
