We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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