she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
