i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
