david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
