Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
