I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sobbing to NWA
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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