considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
