is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
