I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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