I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
